Cricket is a funny game

By Rajadhyax

Competition and commerce have made cricket a very serious game. Players’ video analysis, bio-rhythm studies, strategising, broadcasting, contracting of players, sponsorship deals and stuff like that keeps happening off the field, while on the field there are tactics, field placements, words exchanged, outright sledging, glaring pacemen and things that make burrows on foreheads. But that is just half of the story. Simultaneously, cricket is a very funny game too. The amount of mirth, tongue-in-cheek humour or blatant sit-com that happens in the game, thanks to bumbling or witty players and commentators has to be heard to be believed.

There are famous stories of humour in cricket. None perhaps as retold as the story of a Belgian lady, who knew nothing of cricket, and was travelling with an English cricket fan. He was listening to cricket commentary on the car radio. When the commentator stated that the bowler was bowling “with two short legs and one rather square”, she was alarmed. “It’s a horrible game,” she said. The commentator should not be talking about physical deformities of players.”

Then there is the story of an Australian businessman who was in China while his wife was going to deliver their first baby in a Melbourne hospital. He frantically tried to call but could not get connected. Hours later when he got connected, he was too excited to waste time in civilities. He just named himself, said his wife was pregnant and asked, “So what is the latest situation?” Unknown to him the call had been connected to Melbourne Cricket Ground where the local side had batted badly. The perplexed receptionist of MCG simply looked at the score board and replied, “They have got nine out already and the last four were ducks.”

“Ducks?” he must have wondered. “Where did they come from?”

On the field itself a lot of funny things are said or done. Take this for instance. When Ramnaresh Sarwan of West Indies received a lot of words from Australian Mark Waugh (brother of Captain Steve and often considered second to the skipper), a point came where Mark said – “I don’t think you are even half as good as Brian Lara”. Finally Sarwan lost patience, turned around and said – “That’s alright. Unlike you, I am at least the best in my family.”

In a match I was playing in, a batsman showed his bat to the umpire when we appealed for an LBW. Unknown to him our backward short-leg fielder had caught the ball. So we appealed again for a catch this time. The batsman must have looked silly, virtually declaring himself out, saying he had played at the ball.

Even the staid and serious looking umpires have poked fun in cricket. Read this for its sheer nonchalance. An umpire in an English county game turned down a vociferous appeal for LBW from a slow left arm spinner. At the end of the appeal, disappointed that the batsman was declared not out, the bowler asked, “It was pitched in the stumps and hitting them too, then why is he not out?” The umpire said, “I know it was in line with the stumps and I know it pitched in the stumps but I don’t think it would have reached the stumps.”

New Zealand umpire Billy Bowden’s gestures and movements on the field are famous. Or former Indian umpire Swaroop Kishen was famous for his girth so much so that one bowler is alleged to have said in a Ranji match, “When I bowl at his end, I feel I am always bowling round the wicket.”

The errors made by cricket commentators will probably complete reams of paper. No less a man than John Arlott was commenting in an England-West Indies test on radio. West Indian supporters had occupied the South Stand in the stadium and coincidentally rain clouds were approaching from the same direction. In a hurry to explain the approaching threat to the Test Arlott, always the enthusiast, said – “There is a big, black crowd on my south side.” when he actually wanted to say big, black cloud. Another commentator is reported to have said, “The batsman has hit one of Basil D’Olivera’s balls straight out of the ground,” when Basil was hit for a huge six.

But probably no other story shows the involvement of a cricketer in his game than this one: W.G. Grace, a doctor by profession, was about to leave for an important match and was focused on it. Just then a lady came saying her twins had a problem with an infection. He listened carefully, wrote out a prescription and said, “You may inform me at the ground if their temperatures reach a 104 for 2.” Well, the moral of the whole story is simple. Cricket is a game that has two sides. There is the more serious, analytical side that has us all hooked. And then there is the outrageously hilarious side too.